An experience to share

As I knew would eventually happen, I fell into the doldrums of summer. It is hard to keep the fervor of our faith during lackadaisical times, and so I took to reading the novel Left Behind, which I just finished this morning. This book is the first in a series written by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins about the earth’s last days. (a very good read too!)

While reading, I kept thinking about my own spirituality. If God came today, would I be left behind? It is a scary thought, no doubt, but I did not want to dwell on faith out of fear. Instead, I began to examine my conscience and think of my selfishness, conceit, and vanity. I realized how easy it had been to live for God when everyone around me was doing the same, and yet now on my own came the true test. I prayed to God, apologizing for my distance lately, how I had let other things get in the way and used them as excuses to make myself feel better. I had to face the truth that I had become lazy in my faith, and was putting the blame on a busy schedule. I dealt with these thoughts for a few days, saying little prayers along the way, but it still felt selfish to pray for myself when all I was thinking about lately was myself… I could not think of what to do.

Last night before I went to bed, I picked up my bible and set it down on my pillow. I had grabbed it on the side opposite the binding, and as I set it down it opened to Psalm 51: Prayer for Cleansing and Pardon. I just stared at the page, completely overcome. God had put before me the prayer I had been searching for
"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your merciful love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! …"

I encourage you to read it in full. My translation includes a footnote, “51: This psalm, known as the ‘Miserere’ is the one most used in the Liturgy of the Hours to express repentance for sin.” He is always there for us, wanting us desperately to be with Him! Praised be Jesus Christ!